Saazish in Swat
For fear of flogging a dead horse and no pun is intended, be warned that this is another article on the video nasty from Swat. In its aftermath Taliban apologists have at the very least been economical with the actualité a la Alan Clark; instead they have come up with a plethora of excuses for the flogging. A top ten list of excuses compiled by Afzal Siddiqi has included:
- The flogging never occurred.
- The flogging did occur, but not in Swat.
- The flogging occurred before the ‘peace deal’ was signed.
- The girl is lucky as it had happened before the ‘peace deal’, otherwise she would have been stoned to death.
- The flogging should have happened indoors.
- The men holding the girl down are her ‘mehram’.
- The people criticising the act of flogging are ‘enemies of peace’.
- It is a US-UK-Indian-Israeli conspiracy plotted by the CIA-MI6-Raw-Mossad jointly.
- The NGOs are slaves of the west and enemies of Pakistan.
- It is all because of the drones, duh!
Excuse 8 is a favourite for many Pakistanis, if not a favourite pastime. However let us entertain it, let us entertain the notion that the flogging of Chand Bibi in Swat by the Taliban is a lie and a deliberate campaign to defame Pakistan and Islam, it is a saazish in Swat. The real culprits are of course the CIA, M16, RAW and MOSSAD, an axis of evil if there ever was one. So let us consider another narrative, and the story goes like this …..
Chand is not a young girl from Swat, in truth she is an American girl called Charlotte who a la Paris Hilton likes partying the night away. Charlotte is a stunning girl in frame, sweet as honey and popular too in Swat. Her closest friends call her Charlie for short and as a tribute to comrade Charlie Wilson of yesteryear who helped Pakistan during the Afghan Jihad secure funding from the great Satan aka America. Charlie and her friends are fondly known as the ‘Charlie’s angels of Swat’ comprising of Charlie as well as her equally suave friends Amy and Lucy. All three angels are Texans from George Bush country who are busy on a school project in Swat during their gap year working for the US Consulate in Peshawar (read CIA operatives)
Recently after a late night of fun and frolics at a consulate party held in Swat, Charlie woke up with a hangover of sorts and a craving for caffeine. Charlie was surprised that the fan over her head was still providing her relief from the pulsating heat and was glad load had not been shedded as yet. Desperate for a ‘cuppa’ as the British say, Charlie found the kettle not working and called her friend Amy who was an electrician of sorts who arrived and succeeded in making the kettle work again.
Charlie and Amy sat down with cups of tea, given that both had still not recovered from the exploits of the night before. Both friends began recalling the horror story they had heard about in the Consulate the night before concerning Taliban rule in the tribal areas. From public beheadings to the flogging of women they heard it all and it wasn’t easy to let it go. Just then an idea came to the fore, why not take a chill pill, let us dumb it down a little a la Abu Ghraib, surely a spoof on Taliban rule was the order of the day.
Charlie went to work later and discussed the spoof plan with her colleagues in the US consulate who loved it with female flogging winning the support of the men for obvious reasons. And so the plan came into being, a spoof that would involve female flogging with Charlie flogged by her fellow angels dressed up as bearded men. The title of the movie would be ‘Charlies Angels of Swat’ and would be a permanent memento of Pakistan for the girls who were leaving in a few months to return to Texas.
The rest as they say is history as we all have seen the video and so please lay off the Taliban, as its clearly a spoof ordered by the CIA. The Pakistani masses did not see Chand crying out in the video, it was Charlie singing the Chris De Burgh classic ‘Lady in Red’. The crowd who swelled to see Charlie were US consulate colleagues (read fellow CIA operatives) and not Swatis, duh!
The above narrative is all a deliberate fabrication conjured up to prove that the saazish in Swat excuse is not an excuse but an exercise in dodging the issue for those Pakistanis who see conspiracy in everything and who look the other way. In doing so millions of Pakistanis are guilty of a gross abdication of responsibility and this article seeks to reawaken such Pakistanis. So Pakistan, wake up and smell the coffee or chai if you prefer?
Pakistan is under attack from savages who seek to force their warped view of a great faith on us all. Baitullah Mehsud is a Pakistani who has accepted responsibility for the terrorist attacks in Lahore, end of. Men like him who kill Pakistanis are our enemies, end of. There is no saazish, end of.
